Love · Marriage

Puddles

photo 2

I sat there warm by the fire amidst the snow-capped hills so many saved dollars and a million expectations in, as the perfect weekend that had played out in my mind time and time again seemed to be crumbling at the seams. It can be so easy to make oceans out of the puddles of our problems. Yet, these times, just me and him, quiet, still—so rare, so precious. But there he was lying alone, hollow in that hotel bed, struggling to breathe and fight those heavy lids that matched my heavy heart. He was sick and I was unsympathetic. With a bitter heart and unmasked disappointment, I was sure my pity party would at least make him feel guilty for ruining our perfect plans if it couldn’t change the truth of the situation. He asked me to lie with him and I childishly shook my head. He couldn’t help but fall deeply into an unsound sleep, each labored breath serving as a reminder of the moments we wouldn’t spend together. The enemy had me trapped right where he wanted me, bound to that leather chair across the room, thoughts traveling to all of the times the Renaissance man had “let me down”, to all of the prayers I had prayed over this weekend that were going unanswered. God, don’t you love me enough to give me this one gift?

The truth is, when we cry out to God, He answers.

Vintage_letter_stock_by_rustymermaid_stock

He reminded me that just that morning I stood weeping on the front steps of my neighbor’s home, staring grief in the face as we clasped hands and shared in the mourning of the loss of her husband and her sorrowful encouragement to always love my family well. He reminded me that just that afternoon, I poured tears over the grief-filled words penned in a letter from a relative whose husband had just been laid to rest. Both taken too soon, both taken by cancer. Both leaving a hollow mark in the hearts of the wives who would do anything to once more be beside the one to whom they said their vows, hear them breathe just one more breath, labored may it be, feel their heart beat one more time, respond to the their request to  ‘come lie with me’ just once more.

“Yes, I love you.” my Creator speaks to me. “I love you enough to remind you, even in your selfishness, even in your lack of gratitude that this life is full of beautiful gifts that can’t forever on this earth be held —and right now you’re gift is lying right in front of you. Take this time to rest and cherish what you have. Take this time to love your family well.”

I stripped off my socks, shoes and pride and curled up next to the one I love. Wrapped my arms around him and thanked God for that moment of stillness surrounded by the beauty of his creation. I listened as each labored breath now serving as a reminder that he, in this moment, was here. That God had granted me one more day to love and be loved by this man.

It wasn’t what I pictured. A weekend away with no kids, filled with Kleenex and cough drops. Mustering just enough energy to enjoy the slopes and scenery. Yet, in the end, it was exactly what my soul needed. True R&R for the heart in the form of deep Reflection & Restored gratitude. It’s in these messy real life moments that our love grows for one another—stronger, profounder, and more deeply anchored in Christ.

photo (6)

xo,
Tamara

WorshipI love music & I love to share it. Each song is for each post. Listen and Enjoy! You Make Beautiful Things
Reflection:
Gratitude:  Are you facing any puddle-sized problems that you are currently turning into ocean-sized ones? What areas of disappointment can you surrender to Christ and find in them a reason to praise?
Grow:  How has God loved you well? How can you pour out the love and blessings he has poured into you and unconditionally love your family well?
Give: “Love suffers long and is kind” 1 Corinthians 13:4.  What does it mean for Love to suffer and for Love to be kind? What is one way you can live this out today?

Each LSLW post includes three areas of reflection in hopes to offer a chance for us to give thanks, grow in our personal faith and find ways to pour out from our lives what Christ has poured into us.

© Tamara Gurley 2014

10 thoughts on “Puddles

  1. I’ve just finished reading every entry and am struggling with words that could possibly convey what I am feeling. What a gift you have! I am so thankful that God nudged me and led me truly get to know your heart and a little of your story. Women go thru life thinking that they are the only ones who are struggling, especially in Christian circles. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your heart in such an open way. I love that your love of music is shared as part of each entry. You have touched me and speak to me in a way that I’m hungry for. So much wisdom.

    1. Thank you, Laurie. These words mean so much to me. There is so much fear in trusting God when he gives me these words and compels me to share and I just get so overwhelmed with how he is moving and working and speaking to hearts through it. So humbled and happy to be used by him in this way. SO, SO grateful God used these place to speak to you.

  2. This is beautiful & everyone should read it! We all get trapped in our own stubborn selfishness from time to time & need a reality check to be pulled back to reality & be so appreciative that God has given us such a precious gift to walk through life with (even in the bad moments) & wake up next to everyday! U r a great writer, u truly have a gift!

    1. You are so sweet Megan. Thank you for the encouragement it means so much to me. And agreed, thankful god loves us enough to remind is when we are being blind to his blessings in our lives.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s